Black Roses Red
by Marauderish Mischief Maker
Summary: During 15x02 Lindstrom suggests Olivia attend a support group, the same one where Alex volunteers as a crisis counselor. Slow-burning A/O. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Olivia Benson sat in the captain's office with a bandage over her right eye, trying to ignore the pain from her bruised cheek and split lip as she recited her statement. It had to be done. She had just beaten William Lewis within an inch of his life after he'd tortured her, and held her hostage for four days. Lieutenant Eames from Major Case was looking at her kindly from the corner where she stood with Cragen. Eames would be in hot water with her own ADA for bailing on the arraignment of a brazen jewel thief, but the kidnapping of a fellow cop, one she'd grown to respect took precedence.

"And then before help arrived, the suspect tried to escape?" a redheaded detective from Internal Affairs asked

"He managed to get to a standing position and lunge at me. I used the metal bar from the bed frame to subdue him."

"Rather than shooting him at point-blank range?"

Olivia nodded slightly. "I made a judgment call."

"Thank you, Detective Benson." The woman stood up and addressed Cragen. "I'll forward her statement, the case file, the rape kit, and forensics to the DA, they'll be in touch."

Cragen's answer and the woman's departure were drowned out by the sound of the lieutenant's phone ringing. Eames smiled ruefully at the display. "I better get going too. I'm about to get my ass handed to me by our ADA."

"If you don't get trampled by the press camped outside first," Olivia whispered.

Neither of her companions could dispute that, so they stayed silent. After a beat, Eames spoke, "You did good, Detective. I'll see you later."

* * *

"You don't have to give a press tour until you're up to it," Cragen reminded her when they were alone.

Olivia shrugged; there were bigger things to worry about now. "The lawyer's mother how is she?"

"She's doing better. She's going to be released from the hospital tonight."

"Where's she gonna go now? She can't go back to that house. Where am I gonna go now?"

"Your place is a crime scene," said Cragen. "The department will put you up in a hotel."

"For how long?"

"Liv, don't worry about it. You've got a concussion, a broken wrist, and cracked ribs. After what you've been through, you're on mandatory leave until you recover, and I don't want any arguments."

"You won't get any from me."

"Good, and if you need anything, you just let me know. Anything at all."

Olivia thought about that as Brian led her through the squad room and out the back way to avoid the press. Nick, Amanda, Fin, and Munch all stood and watched her as she passed, but she was in her own head so much, she didn't feel their eyes.

No, there wasn't anything Cragen could do for her. What she wanted… _needed_ wasn't a 'thing' at all. Somehow, Lewis had known that. He had also known that the sweet man supporting her exhausted weight wasn't really the object of her affection. Neither was Elliot. Never had been, despite how much they'd depended on each other. No, there was someone else who anchored her mind during the assault.

* * *

Alex Cabot was just about leave her apartment and storm One PP in search of a certain wayward commanding officer, when a breaking news alert cut into whatever talk show was providing white noise while she drafted motions. There was Eames, in the middle of a crowd of reporters outside the 1-6. What the hell was going on over there? Alex turned up the volume in time to catch the end of Eames' sentence.

"- the commanding officer of New York City's Major Case Squad. Earlier today, I worked in conjuction with the Special Victims Unit to rescue a female detective-whose name we are not releasing at this time- from sexual sadist, William Lewis. We take crimes against our own very seriously and will prosecute Lewis to the fullest extent of the law. The detective asks for privacy during this difficult time. Thank you."

"Oh my God," Alex gasped, grabbing her phone. She was barely aware of what she was doing as her fingers dialed Cragen's familiar number. He picked up on the second ring.

"Don, it's Alex. Who was it?"


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I'm so flattered by the response to this little plot bunny I've had. You guys are amazing, and please keep it coming. In this chapter, Olivia sees Alex for the first time in more than a year.

Olivia stood out the community center trying to work up the courage to walk in. "Enough," she whispered to herself, fingering a slip of paper in her pocket. "You recommend support groups to victims all the time." And yet…and yet it was awkward no that the shoe was on the other foot. Lindstrom had suggested the group at their last session.

* * *

 _Flashback_

" _I'm glad you came back for another appointment. How are you feeling?" Dr. Lindstrom gave Olivia a searching look from across the room._

 _She snorted. "Boy, is that a loaded question! Do psychiatrists always ask such fraught questions?"_

" _I prefer to think of them as open-ended."_

" _Open-ended, right."_

" _Okay, let's start with a different one, then. You went back to work."_

" _If you can call it that…"_

 _With that, Olivia launched into a retelling of the past week. It had all started with another Mo-Mo incident in Times Square. This time the costumed man had gotten into a scuffle with the father of a little boy, who for some reason, had bolted as soon as uniforms arrived. Despite not being able to give any personal information other than his name, the boy, Buddy, had been able to lead Olivia and Nick to a house-of-horrors where he lived with his "Pa" and three other women who were subsequently rescued._

 _Lindstrom folded his hands thoughtfully. And tell me what happened when interviewed the woman known as…"Ma", was it?"_

" _Yes."_

" _What happened when you interviewed Ma?"_

" _When she wouldn't give up Pa's real name, I lost it…snapped, and Cragen took me off the case. He said my emotions were still too raw, that I came back to SVU too soon. Pretty much everything you've said."_

" _I'm not here to play I-told-you-so, Olivia, I'm here to offer solutions."_

" _What solutions? I just told you Cragen sent me home."_

" _But you didn't go home, did you?"_

" _I went to the hospital to speak to the youngest girl. Her name is Kayla, but they called her Sissy."_

" _Eureka!"_

"' _Eureka!'" Olivia repeated. "Seriously, Doc?"_

" _No, no, no, hear me out, I think we just found our solution. You seem to have isolated yourself from your usual social circle—not talking to your co-workers, breaking up with your boyfriend, but you connect with other victims. There are support groups where you can talk about what you've been through with other victims. They're non-judgment zones, staffed by volunteers, a lot of_ women _volunteers. I can't make you go, but at least let me give you the address and time of the next meeting._

* * *

Mastering her courage, Olivia entered. She had been expecting a utilitarian room with folding chairs arranged in a circle. Instead, the room was laid out more like a living space, with walls that were painted a cool pastel color and comfy sofas arranged in conversational groupings. It seemed to Olivia like they were discussing last night's primetime TV. She glanced briefly at the other women as if she were beginning to see assault victims through a new prism. Did she have that look of utter sleeplessness and the eye bags artfully concealed by makeup? Before she could pull out a mirror to examine herself, the click of heels in the hallway announced the arrival of the counselor. Olivia looked up as the door opened. The woman had legs for days, encased in hose and covered in a pencil skirt. Her blouse was neatly pressed, and Olivia must have been staring because the woman said, "May I help you?" in a teasing voice that was like catnip.

Familiar catnip.

Olivia's head jerked up to meet Alex's face.

"Hi, Liv."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Sadly, all SVU characters are the property of Dick Wolf and NBC, meaning they don't belong to me. Now, let's get to the (hopefully long enough) good stuff, shall we? I'm going to try to post two chapters a week, but mostly I'm going to make the one I do write around 1000 words.  
**

Alex was glad to see her teasing remark had brought a small smile to Olivia's face but dismayed to see that it didn't reach the brunette's eyes, eyes that were without their usual light, haunted beyond even those of a detective who saw the worst of the worst at SVU. Eyes like the ones she'd seen countless times during her time with the International Criminal Court in the Congo. If Alex needed any more proof of what Lewis had done to Olivia, all she had to do was look into those hurting brown eyes.

She wanted nothing more than to rip William Lewis' throat out with her bare hands. There wasn't a jury in New York that would convict her for it, but Lewis was so sick, he might actually get off on being choked. Her next impulse was to hug Olivia and never let her go. Fighting the urge to take the detective into her arms was practically painful, but Alex doubted Olivia wanted to stand out any more than she already felt like she did. Instead, she ushered Olivia to an empty chair with a whispered, "We'd better get started."

Alex stood in the center of the circle and swiveled on her heel so that each woman had the benefit of one of her rare smiles, the ones she had perfected over years at SVU while on prepping child victims for the witness stand. Olivia saw that she spent a few extra seconds smiling at Olivia and another girl who was probably new as well. The girl looked about eighteen or nineteen, probably went to Hudson. What had happened to her? Alex could see that the university student was making the wheels in Olivia's brain turn. One thing she loved about the detective was how dedicated Olivia was to the job, but once, just this once Olivia needed to think about herself.

"Cat got your tongue," the teenager asked. "Some of us have places to be."

Alex didn't take the bait.

"She rarely does," thought Olivia. "Even in the courtroom."

"I think you're exactly where you need to be," she replied gently, " _All_ of you," she eyed Olivia. "But I do apologize for starting a bit late. My name is Alex and I want to commend all of you for your bravery in coming out here today. You know, what I've seen is that people who have gone through…unfair, horrific experiences—and I've seen a lot of them—they have this will, and when they get support and a chance, they can not only survive, but they can thrive. We're here to be that support for each other. When I was volunteering in Africa we did a lot of spiritual healing. Mostly meditation, which I'd like to try today, so for this exercise, I'd like to invite you all to take a moment to get really comfortable…"

Olivia squished further down in her chair.

"…take a slow, deep breath in for four seconds, hold it for another four, and then exhale for five…good. I invite you to feel supported by the chair you're sitting in, let it hold you. You are here. Your body and mind are safe. You are important. You are valued. Just take a second and breathe that in. Exhale. At this moment, I invite you to, within your mind, place yourself inside a tree house. Lush trees surround you as far as you can see. There are no doors, and all the windows have clear access to the outside. There are no glass panes or curtains…"

"And you're with me," Olivia added silently, "just the two of us."

"…I invite you to get comfortable here, in this place within your mind, breathing in…and out. I invite you to envision your highest self, the image of the perfect you, the person you've always aspired to be. How you look. Your energy, what you radiate. At this moment, I invite you to breathe in your highest self as your present self. Breathe that in and exhale out. Exhale out any comparisons you've made between yourself and another, any expectations or judgments placed on you, by yourself or by others. Breathe in deeply, and exhale out any guilt, shame, or embarrassment about what's been done to you."

"With another deep breath, connect to the power and strength you have inside you, and allow it to fill you up. Exhale out any guilt or shame over decisions you've made in the past. If you weren't there...if you didn't get there in time...you didn't know...no one told you... Whatever that is, let it go and breathe in your highest true self."I invite you to accept that your highest true self is your present self, as you are at this very moment. And as you breathe, you let go of the comparisons, you let go of the guilt, you let go of the shame. You let go of the self-hatred and self-doubt. Let it all out, let it go."

"And I invite you to come back to this room...back from the tree house within your mind. Feel your feet on the floor, and feel your body being supported by the chair. Stand up and stretch your legs, this session is over."

Olivia did as Alex said and stood up, but she still felt like she was in a meditative trance. She tried to take a step, but the room had begun to spin and she stumbled backward and fell back into her chair, as limp as a ragdoll.

Alex rushed forward. "Olivia!" she called. "Olivia! Somebody, call an ambulance!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Please follow, favorite, and review if you support me in continuing with this fanfic. Since I'm not able to reply to guest reviews, I figured I'd make a habit of responding to reviews here:**

 **EyesOfTheSoul: Here's the next update! Hope it lives up to expectations.**

 **Guest: Glad you liked it.**

 **Guest: Thanks, I paid special attention to the length last time, and will continue to do so.**

 **Guest: Have no fear, Liv will be fine. I love Liv and would never kill her off or anything like that. I once read writers always put characters they love the most through the emotional wringer. That's definitely true for me. It's angst, right?**

 **Chapter 4: Called Away**

 _Olivia was back at the beach house in Yaphank, with her hands cuffed to the iron frame of the bed and her knees duct taped together, begging Lewis to let her live as he stuffed her own gun into her mouth._

 _There was a knock on the door._

" _Help!" she screamed._

" _Miss Linda is that you. I can't find the key."_

" _Shut up!" Lewis hissed as he held the cold metal of the gun to her temple. "I'm going to get rid of them."_

 _Relief, as he left, relief for just a moment, and then a massive rush of adrenaline. She had to get free, had to get out of there, had to tell the poor unsuspecting soul at the front door that the needed to run for their lives._

 _She struggled and squirmed, managing to twist her body around enough to plant her bound feet on the floor. She arched her back trying to lift herself off the mattress enough for the handcuffs to have a little give._

"I'm riding along," Alex announced, as the gurney carrying an unconscious Olivia was hoisted into the back of an ambulance. It was more of a statement than a request for permission. The young paramedic shrugged, allowing the blonde attorney to climb into the back as he moved to the driver's side door.

"Should I strap her down Frank," asked his partner in the back, a female paramedic whose makeup looked like she had planned to spend the evening anywhere other than seeing patients.

"No!" Alex made a beeline for Olivia and practically not the restraint out of the woman's hand. "No, you most certainly should not"

"Look, lady, that's standard procedure until I know what she's on."

"What she's on?"

"Yeah, she's obviously hallucinating. Probably strung out on something,"

Olivia was indeed fighting with must've seemed like invisible foes, but Alex knew the nightmare was all too real. Taking Olivia's hand in her own, and stroking it soothingly with her thumb, Alex addressed the paramedic in a voice more than worthy of her old 1-6 nickname "The Ice Queen":

"Assuming you've worked in a major metropolitan area like New York for more than, say, six months, I'm going to assume that you're not dealing with your first sexual assault victim. So let me tell you my standard procedure: continue acting unprofessionally and I will sue you for all your worth, have your ass handed to me on a silver platter and mount on the wall in my apartment like a fucking trophy! Do you understand me?"

The woman looked positively alarmed, her eyes becoming as big as dinner plates. I…um… I didn't know she had been raped

"Clearly," Alex huffed, turning her attention to calming the distressed detective. "Shhh, Liv, it's only me, only Alex. Lewis is rotting away in a cell, which is exactly what he deserves. He won't hurt you anymore."

"So help me God," Alex added to herself, as she watched the Manhattan city lights in an attempt to calm her returning rage.

Alex sat in a visitor's chair in the emerge Bellevue Hospital listening to the beeping of the machines that monitored the sleeping Olivia's vitals.

"Olivia Benson, concussion?"

Alex nodded, inclining her head in Olivia's direction. "Should I wake her?"

"No, new medical research indicates what your mother told you about falling asleep with a concussion is nothing but an old wives' tale. I'm Dr. McDoughal, the on-call neurologist. I'll be back when she's awake and can consent to some tests."

"Tests?"

"Just to determine the grade of her concussion. I see the paramedics gave her a sedative."

"She had an adverse reaction in the ambulance."

"To the drugs?"

"No, more like a…flashback."

"I see, buzz the nurses' station when she wakes up."

When Dr. McDoughal was gone, Alex got down to the business of calling the office to ask her secretary to clear her schedule and inform the DA that she would be at Olivia's side for the rest of the day. There was no way she would leave Olivia alone in the hospital which could very well be a hotbed for more traumatic flashbacks.

"DA's office, ADA Casey Novak speaking."

Alex jumped. "Casey, since when do you play receptionist?"

"You're lucky it was me and not him. He's left two messages on your phone."

"I had my phone off. I've been in group all afternoon."

"Oh." Casey, who had finally gotten her long-held wish of prosecuting straight homicide after Connie Rubirosa's replacement couldn't quite cut it, knew all about Alex's volunteering at the community center. "Well, you better get down here. Remember the jewel thief who got the appallingly low bail?"

"Yeah." It was the case Alex had been working when she'd found out about Olivia's abduction. "What about him."

"He's in for it this time. Couldn't help himself, only this time he shot the jeweler at point-blank range. Anyway, looks like you and I are partners again."

"I'll be right there." Alex hung up and gently shook Olivia awake.

"Whassamatter?"

"You're in the hospital, sleepyhead. The doctor will be glad you're awake, he should be here in a few minutes."

"But you've got to go," said Olivia understandingly.

"If I could blow this off I would…"

"I know." Olivia smiled. "But Alex?"

"Hmmm."

"I'll take that hug before you go."

"You've got it."


	5. Chapter 5

**No guest reviews to respond to this chapter, but I did go through and fix grammar mistakes and missing words. Let me know if I missed any. Any dialogue you recognize is from episode 15X03 American Tragedy and 15X04 Internal Affairs. No Alex in this chapter,**

 **Chapter 5 Fearlessness**

" _I can't get anything right, I'm all over the place."_

"' _All over the place.' If a crime victim had said that to Detective Olivia Benson less than three months after an assault what would you say to her?_

 _I'd say that survivors could experience a wide range of reactions, from stress to fear to numbness._

" _Depression, anger, flashbacks?" She had told him about the flashback the doctor had recounted for her and wondered aloud why Alex hadn't thought to mention it herself before she was called away._

" _All of the above."_

" _Have you ever known someone to take a self-defense course or to obtain a gun or resolve never to be a victim again?"_

" _Of course."_

" _So you might see this kind of overreaction to be emotionally triggered, and you might tell her that over time, she'll recognize those triggers and temper her responses."_

" _And what if she doesn't believe me?"_

" _Well, then you might ask her to forgive herself and remember she's going through a process and that healing takes time."_

* * *

Dr. Lindstrom's words from that recent session rang in Olivia's ears as she splashed water on her face in the courthouse's ladies' room and tried not to compare herself to Jolene Castille, the celebrity chef defendant she'd just watched Barba destroy on the stand for being a racist. If Jolene was a bigot, what did that make her? Sure, Olivia hadn't shot anyone dead, but she had roughed up a well-meaning stranger who'd just wanted her to smile. She heard the door open and sighed as the object of her thoughts was reflected in the mirror.

"Well...this is awkward," said Jolene nervously. "Just the two of us girls."

"Yeah." Olivia moved to the towel dispenser, "Well, I'll get out of your way."

"I was afraid for my life."

Jolene was defensive, almost pleading. Olivia didn't turn around as she answered, "He was sixteen."

"He was six-foot tall and he was coming after me. You're a cop. You've known what it's like to be a woman, alone, vulnerable."

Boy, did she ever. But she wouldn't give Jolene the satisfaction of knowing the comment affected her. "He wasn't a rapist. He was just a boy."

"I know, I know." Jolene grabbed Olivia's wrist, forcing eye contact. "I don't have any children. My restaurants are my babies. God, the look in his parents' eyes...that boy is dead and there's not anything I can do about it. I'm sorry."

The jury was back.

"In the matter of the people versus Jolene Castille, on the charge of manslaughter, how do you find?"

"We find the defendant not guilty."

A protest rose from the gallery.

"Order!" The judge banged his gavel. "Order! Jolene Castille, you're free to go. The state of New York thanks you for your service."

Olivia let the devastated Carters pass and followed Barba out of the courthouse, where the Carters were calling for peace.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Fear won out," Munch replied.

"I'm sorry."

"Not on you, Barba," said Fin, "that's just the way it is. And what about you, Liv?"

"What about me?"

"You look a little green."

Olivia swallowed the bile in her throat. "Yeah, well. This case turns my stomach."

"And on that unanimous note, let's all go home, shall we?" suggested Munch. "Come on, Liv, I'll drive you."

"You don't need to drive me, Munch, I'm fine."

"But—"

"I said 'I'm fine', Munch."

The three men looked at her as if she had grown a second head.

"I'm-I'm sorry. I've got somewhere I need to be."

Munch nodded and patted her on the shoulder.

"He probably thinks I'm going to see Lindstrom," Olivia thought to herself as she carried a brown bag out of the nearest bodega. It wouldn't have been a bad idea if the doctor weren't away for the week. For now, she was on her own…

* * *

Olivia sat on the toilet with her head in her hands. Pregnant! She was pregnant! Pregnant with her rapist's baby. Would she hate it just as much as her mother hated her? Would she even have it? Of course, she would have it. That much wasn't a question

A key turned in the lock

"Liv, you home?"

Brian's reaction, now that was the question.

When she came out of the bathroom, Brian was holding a Viking helmet in the air trying to position it so that it was centered on the wall. "This place seemed bigger when it was empty."

"We'll figure it out," said Olivia, "Hey, Bri, you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm sorry. It's just a... it's a, uh, work thing."

"Want to talk about it? You're allowed."

"Mike Groves, a cop on my shift, they came for him. They tased him. They hauled him off to Bellevue on a psych hold. He was definitely acting paranoid, but then they did come for him. Groves told me he was exiled to the Bronx for making noise about his former precinct, the 12th, for cooking their books. After the 12th got rid of him, he didn't get the hint. So he goes to I.A. Maybe Groves is actually crazy. I don't know. But I feel like I should go to I.A. And tell them what I saw."

"I.A.?"

"Yeah."

"Brian, they took your shield. You sure you want to rattle that cage?"

" Yeah, but what if, like... what if Groves is telling the truth?"

"What, you're the only person in his life? What... what... what about going to the P.B.A.?"

"Oh, come on, Liv. Seriously?

"What? What, his lawyer? His... his family? Hey, Brian, for once in your life, take care of yourself."  
"And you…right, Liv"

"That's what we need to talk about…"

* * *

Rollins was already in the squad room when Olivia walked in. "How's the move going?"

"It isn't," Olivia sighed.

"Oh, so you and Cassidy had a fight?"

"You could say that."

"Well, I wouldn't worry about it too much. There's a very nice jewelry box of apology on your desk."

"What?" Olivia reached for the white velvet box and opened it.

Inside, was a rectangular gold pendant with the word Fearlessness engraved on it and a folded up Post-It note. The script was familiar but it wasn't Brian's writing

 _You said the one you used to wear was being held as evidence._

 _Alex  
_

"Cassidy has good taste. Here, lemme help you." Olivia pulled the hair off of her neck so that Rollins could fasten the necklace.

"Aw, isn't this sweet," leered Lieutenant Ed Tucker as he came upon them. "Morning, detectives."

"What are you doing here?" Rollins snapped.

"Nice to see you too, Is your captain in?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chely99:** Glad it was good enough to go back and reread. That makes me so happy.

 **badassbensonx:** Love them, they're my OTP, in case you couldn't tell.

 **Guest** : You're welcome; hope you like this one as well.

" _What are you doing here?" Rollins snapped._

" _Nice to see you, too. Is your captain in?"_

 **Chapter 6: Nothing Changes Except What Has To**

Cragen's ears must have been burning, thought Olivia, as her commanding officer appeared in the doorway."Lieutenant Tucker, to what do we owe the "'pleasure?'"

Olivia barely suppressed a snort.

"Your office free, Captain?"

"Of course," Cragen gave a curt nod.

"Benson, you too."

"Me?" Olivia mouthed, but Rollins shrugged

" _Don't throw up, don't throw up!"_

Olivia couldn't help but acknowledge a knot of dread in her stomach as she leaned against Cragen's desk and addressed Tucker, "Let me guess, I'm being investigated by the rat squad…"

"Not unless there's something you want to tell me."

"I know you're not used to being on this side of the situation, Lieutenant," conceded Cragen, "but I suggest you stop accusing my detectives and start explaining yourself."

"Fair enough."

"What do you know about being fair," Olivia wanted to know.

"Enough to fulfill your boyfriend's wishes, against my better judgment, and tell you that Cassidy has gone undercover in the 12th."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend, friends with benefits, whatever. Your personal life doesn't interest me, Detective Benson."

"Really?" snarked Olivia.

At the same time, Cragen said, "In exchange for what?"

It was a good question. They may not have been in a relationship anymore, but Olivia found it hard to believe Brian would put himself among people he thought were corrupt enough o stage a civil commitment out of revenge without some major incentive.

"You were going to give him his shield back, weren't you?" she said. "That's why he agreed to do this."

"If the operation goes well, yes, I agreed to consider it." The unspoken 'if not' hung in the air until Tucker broke the silence. "By the way, I hear congratulations are in order. You do realize you'll have to be on desk duty." With that, he turned on his heel and left.

Olivia's jaw hit the floor. If there were any chance, however slim it might have been, that she would change her mind and raise this baby with Brian as he had begged, it now evaporated in a puff of smoke. Who did he think he was? Where did he get off divulging her most personal secret, and to Ed Tucker of all people? Hadn't he been a Special Victims Unit detective once?

 _Yes_ , she reminded herself, he was the one who had been green enough to confuse fondling and soft cheese in open court. If she felt like being fair, she would also remind herself that incident had happened a long time ago, but she was pissed and didn't feel like being fair.

She searched Cragen's features, but years of interrogating suspects gave him a practiced blank expression even she wasn't able to read. Finally, the silence became too much for her.

"I was going to tell you. Today. Tucker being the prick he is, he beat me to it. Say something...please."

Cragen gave a loaded sigh. "I thought the test was negative."

"The first one was," Olivia whispered, looking at the floorboards. "The one I took for the rape kit...I…I thought I was in the clear. Turns out it was a false negative."

She felt a fatherly hand on her shoulder and realized she had been crying.

 _Stupid hormones_

"How far along are you?" he asked, handing her a tissue.

"About nine weeks. Are you going to put me on desk duty?"

"I'm going to tell you to go to the cribs and get some sleep, you look like you could use it."

"Captain…"

"I mean it, Detective, I don't want to see your face again for at least two hours. That's an order. Munch, hold down the fort."

"Sure thing. Do I get to know where you're going?"

"A little place I like to call none of your beeswax."

"Got it, Cap."

* * *

Cragen knocked on her office door and waited. Heels clicked on the other side and the door opened.

Elizabeth Olivet stood there, her brunette hair falling in waves. "Yes?"

"I don't know why I'm here."

"Typically people come to see me when they have something on their mind. Come in."

Cragen complied and closed the door behind him.

"How's Detective Benson doing with the therapist I recommended? Dr. Lindstrom."

"You'd have to ask her."

"This about her, isn't it? I feel like I've struck a nerve and I know she's like a daughter to you."

"The bastard got her pregnant!" He hadn't meant to blurt it out like that, but that's what happened.

"So you support her."

"I do. Of course, I do." Normally, Cragen would be happy—ecstatic—for Olivia, a woman who, he knew, wanted a family more than anything else in the world. They had had one of their biggest disagreements when Cragen had pointed out how desperate Olivia was to keep Calvin Arliss in her care. "And I know what I have to do to keep her safe, but she's going to hate it. I just hope she understands."

"She'll understand that nothing changes except what has to…and speaking of which, I can neither confirm nor deny that I gave Sergeant Munch his pre-retirement psych evaluation the other day. I suspect he'll put his papers in. The Mehcad Carter case hit him very hard."

 **I have no idea if the NYPD requires a pre-retirement psych evaluation, so I may have taken a liberty there, but it seems to me the department would want to know why someone was retiring.**


End file.
